Most of us were taught not to blow our own horns, not get too big for our own britches and remember an awful lot of things were invented before we were born.

That's bull.  Bragging is where it's at.

"WHAT?!?" I can hear you say.  "Aren't the meek supposed to inherit the Earth?"

Maybe.  But until that inheritance comes through, even the meek need jobs. 

That's why we have resumes.  Resumes are, by design, a way to peacock and go over the top so employers notice us, thereby allowing us to find work.  Here are some great ways to blow your own horn on your resume:

Make it rhyme.  Songs rhyme.  Nipsey Russell rhymes.  Even rappers rhyme.  And there's a large segment of rap devoted to bragging about being a bad mamma jamma.  If it's good enough to get a gold record, it's good enough to put on your resume.  Talk about how many ladies or men you have on your arms.  Brag about your bling.  And make it rhyme, playa!

Threaten.  If there's anything employers love to see on resumes, it's threats.  After each job you list, tell prospective employers (in rhyme, of course) how you were screwed by each individual employer because they didn't recognize your true genius.  Then add a short threatening blurb about how, if you're not hired within three days, you're going to stop by so you can demonstrate your wonderful wonderfulness.

Include a picture.  In order for employers to truly appreciate your charisma and sense of style, they need to see you, right?  So put on your best threads, throw on your bling, have a half dozen honeys or boy toys on your arms and get your picture snapped. 

IN THE CARAVAN: As you probably guessed, today's post was written on April Fool's Day.

NEXT MONDAY: Repackaging

Looking for more Resume advice?  Check out these posts and The Lion's Pride section of WildJobSafari.com!

Check out last Monday's post on verbiage overload.

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